Forgivness... It is a far better thing to give than to receive.

     Where to begin on forgiveness... Well the reasons to forgive would be the best place. To forgive is truly a gift. Not to the person you are forgiving. The gift is to yourself. You can put down all the anger or hurt and leave it. Walk away less weighted down by all the work it takes to carry the memory of the pain, what ever it may be. It is better to forgive than to be forgiven because being forgiven does not stop your remorse for the transgression that has caused you to be in need of forgiveness. This means guilt. You are feeling guilty and need forgiveness to be released.

     Truthfully, most of us are in need of self forgiveness. We are harder on our selves than we are on others. That is saying a lot, because there are a ton of people who are just waiting for a reason to be angry at what ever they can imagine as a slight by someone to have a new campaign of "odd man out". (sort of the flavor of the month club for habitually pissed off people) Forgiving others for things that annoy you is not as easy as it seems. Also you have to ask yourself about what they did made you upset in the first place. Did they threaten your ego? Did it embarrass you in some way? If you felt embarrassed or ashamed, why? Is it really about what they said or what you thought when they said it? Sometimes we make up our own dialog in our head and it is not at all in line with what actually happened. Did you jump to another realm of reality without inviting everyone else? Things happen, people make mistakes. It goes both ways, people misunderstand and are misunderstood.

     Assume positive intent. If your in doubt about what someone meant by a backhanded remark that leaves you feeling slighted. Assume that was a mistake and not what they intended. If you have no issue there is no issue. (Yes, don't start no mess, won't be no mess.) I am still working on this topic and admittedly have not gotten close to mastering my own ego. But I do aspire to one day be immune to the little voice goading me on.  Oddly enough, it sounds like my mothers, she was a champion at taking offense. After all, she was Irish.

     Another noteworthy thing I would like to pass on about getting forgiveness. If you have a confession that has been brewing and on the verge of bursting, a word of caution. There are a few questions that need to be answered before you tell the person you believe has been wronged. Is the information you are about to divulge going to help them in the here and now? Do they need this information to make a life or death decision? OR Are you just being completely selfish to your own need to release the guilt you have been carrying and want somewhere to dump your shame? If you are about to confess a transgression to someone, is it going to help or send them into a frenzy of pain and anguish that you can not undo? Think about your motive before you divulge. By all means confess if your ready to bare the brunt. Sometimes the person is no longer around. The best way to release yourself without the other person being involved is to write a letter to them. Don't mail it, just write it. You can burn it, shred it or dig a hole and bury it. Its up to you. Ultimately you have to forgive yourself no matter the case. Once you do that it won't matter what anyone else thinks, you'll be free of judgment.

     Forgiving others, now there's a sticky wicket. Forgiving someone takes a little time. It seems there is some pomp and circumstance to it. We can't jump the gun and forgive too fast or the person is liable to feel like there was no consequence to the initial wrong doing. So we stew a while just for good measure. Some of us can make a career out of brooding so it's a little tricky to get their forgiveness. Please understand this, the person getting hurt the most by being angry is the person who IS angry. Being mad AT someone does nothing to actually hurt them especially if they are not in your presence. As said by Buddha, "Anger is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die." Forgive them and move on. Bless them and release them for they know not what they have done. Release yourself, you do not have to teach them a lesson. Leave that to life. The universe has a way of working its magic that far surpasses our mortal ability. Your not in charge. It's okay, really. What a load off your shoulders, right?

     The best thing you can do is put down the baggage. How can you expect to grab on to anything more in life if your hands are full of all the old garbage from years past? Make space for new exciting adventure. Just know there is more to life... Out with the old, in with the new!

Royal TX