Even though it seems we are on the eternal quest for story book love, do we really know what Paradise looks like? I'll go you one better, do we appreciate love when it shows up and doesn't meet our expectations? When we look for love FROM another, love likely becomes a tool/weapon for power and manipulation the melodrama begins. The drama of every day life isn't the same for everyone. Some of us might have our drama comfort level at a lethal dose for what most folks consider normal. This happens when we have people in our lives that have conditioned us to play a role as reactive participant or even passive participant. A reactor will volley back at the initiator of drama with equal or higher velocity. A passive person will allow the initiator to use them as a door mat. A very well documented form of passive participation is Stockholm Syndrome. The aggressor holds the passive person captive by giving just enough emotional support or favor to cause the passive individual to believe that they are filling a need. The passive individual may think the aggressor is really a good person at heart and is merely misunderstood. Or they may think without them the aggressor will be lost, therefore it would somehow be them to blame for the certain horrible outcome that would befall the aggressor.
Additionally, is widely believed the person that says I love you too soon is weak and the one who never says it at all is callous. Unfortunately, the definitions of love are equally as obscure. The range varies from deep emotional connection to absolute disgust. We all know that couple, they are so consumed by the battle of who can damage the other the most they don't even notice the rest of the family have left the room. Moreover, they seem to pick family gatherings or public places to make the experience more grandiose and humiliating. Then there is the couple who have been married almost as long as they have been alive, still loving every minute with the person of their dreams. Ultimately, the rest of us are left to wonder what the secret is...
My quest has brought me to this conclusion. We are the answer. Not the person that we want to be in love with. No one can love you into love. WE are our own source of love. It has been said over and over and I now have, what I believe to be, a grasp on it. My understanding as it applies to me is: When I attach my love to a singular thing (person, pet, car, house, etc...) it is limited by the existence of that singular thing. If something, God forbid, should happen and it is removed from my life my capacity to love is diminished by my loss of the object. However, if I exhibit love for everything, yes EVERYTHING, then one change or even several changes to my direct environment will not do me in. My love and appreciation to others also pours into their energy and helps them to do the same thing. If you know me personally you know this to be true, I LOVE EVERYONE, and heres the kicker for most people, they are NOT required to love me back. If you are in close proximity to me in a public place it may be flung in your general direction, I don't require that you even know me. The feeling of love is so intoxicating I actually feel euphoric, so I get myself in that mode as much and as quickly as possible. I give to give, not to get.
Paradise is a state of being, not a destination. Maybe thats what finding paradise in your own back yard really means.
Carla Stover
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