Even though it seems we are on the eternal quest for story book love, do we really know what Paradise looks like? I'll go you one better, do we appreciate love when it shows up and doesn't meet our expectations? When we look for love FROM another, love likely becomes a tool/weapon for power and manipulation the melodrama begins. The drama of every day life isn't the same for everyone. Some of us might have our drama comfort level at a lethal dose for what most folks consider normal. This happens when we have people in our lives that have conditioned us to play a role as reactive participant or even passive participant. A reactor will volley back at the initiator of drama with equal or higher velocity. A passive person will allow the initiator to use them as a door mat. A very well documented form of passive participation is Stockholm Syndrome. The aggressor holds the passive person captive by giving just enough emotional support or favor to cause the passive individual to believe that they are filling a need. The passive individual may think the aggressor is really a good person at heart and is merely misunderstood. Or they may think without them the aggressor will be lost, therefore it would somehow be them to blame for the certain horrible outcome that would befall the aggressor.
Additionally, is widely believed the person that says I love you too soon is weak and the one who never says it at all is callous. Unfortunately, the definitions of love are equally as obscure. The range varies from deep emotional connection to absolute disgust. We all know that couple, they are so consumed by the battle of who can damage the other the most they don't even notice the rest of the family have left the room. Moreover, they seem to pick family gatherings or public places to make the experience more grandiose and humiliating. Then there is the couple who have been married almost as long as they have been alive, still loving every minute with the person of their dreams. Ultimately, the rest of us are left to wonder what the secret is...
My quest has brought me to this conclusion. We are the answer. Not the person that we want to be in love with. No one can love you into love. WE are our own source of love. It has been said over and over and I now have, what I believe to be, a grasp on it. My understanding as it applies to me is: When I attach my love to a singular thing (person, pet, car, house, etc...) it is limited by the existence of that singular thing. If something, God forbid, should happen and it is removed from my life my capacity to love is diminished by my loss of the object. However, if I exhibit love for everything, yes EVERYTHING, then one change or even several changes to my direct environment will not do me in. My love and appreciation to others also pours into their energy and helps them to do the same thing. If you know me personally you know this to be true, I LOVE EVERYONE, and heres the kicker for most people, they are NOT required to love me back. If you are in close proximity to me in a public place it may be flung in your general direction, I don't require that you even know me. The feeling of love is so intoxicating I actually feel euphoric, so I get myself in that mode as much and as quickly as possible. I give to give, not to get.
Paradise is a state of being, not a destination. Maybe thats what finding paradise in your own back yard really means.
Carla Stover
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Progress
Most of the time we are impervious to how many people we actually affect in our daily lives. This applies to me when writing words on a page and casting them adrift in the massive abyss of the world wide web. As most creative people can tell you, the moment they reach "the zone" of creation, there is a surreal experience. It seems to supersede any knowledge we seem to possess in our limited human state. When we look back at what we lent our hands and mind to construct, almost in disbelief . We are the author or artist but it sees almost foreign. Moreover, it chose us to bring it forth to this realm of existence. It applies to music, painting, writing, building, carpentry, digital media, film.... the list goes on and on.
I am no different. Looking back at the feeble attempt I made to put my words in public view, I was almost cringing, afraid of opening my eyes to see if it really was worth my trying. This lack of confidence allowed me to throw my writing out there and not look back. I could say I tried and not look for validation if I never checked in. Therefore, if I did fail, my fragile ego would not be crushed if I didn't look at the results. Being vulnerable is one of the most frightening things we ever face. Fear that no one would be interested enough to read what I wrote or if it would actually help anyone was the zinger. I was trying to remain disinterested to a fault. Most of us do this in relationships trying not to fall in love for fear the other person will not value our sacrifice and we end up hurt.
Turns out I have some really great friends who have directly approached me to pull my card. Martha is someone who did just that. She informed me that I have made a promise to continue posting and it did indeed matter to her. I have since checked the numbers of how many people have read my whopping 5 posts that I sent out a year ago. I was shocked... and now I understand that it sort of does matter to check in with your progress. This is something I encourage in all my relationships, work life, and personal goals. It stands to reason that motivation for continuing to do what I feel is my purpose I certainly need to know that it is being passed along and my readers do find any help whatsoever in my ramblings.
Thank you to all of my followers who are sticking with me through my stumbling starts and supporting my self proclaimed attempt at making the world a better place by starting with ourselves.
We all have moments where we think we are alone. The truth is we are surrounded by an army of folks who what nothing more than to see us succeed greatly. So I begin again, with humility and thanks. I will continue this amazing adventure of life by posting weekly at minimum. As I write this it strikes me that the word ALIVE is plural not singular. Hmmm. What a concept...
Enhance those around you by just being the truest form of alive possible. Seek and ye shall find... just remember to keep your eyes open along the way, the journey is worth witnessing. If for no other reason than to measure your progress.
Carla
I am no different. Looking back at the feeble attempt I made to put my words in public view, I was almost cringing, afraid of opening my eyes to see if it really was worth my trying. This lack of confidence allowed me to throw my writing out there and not look back. I could say I tried and not look for validation if I never checked in. Therefore, if I did fail, my fragile ego would not be crushed if I didn't look at the results. Being vulnerable is one of the most frightening things we ever face. Fear that no one would be interested enough to read what I wrote or if it would actually help anyone was the zinger. I was trying to remain disinterested to a fault. Most of us do this in relationships trying not to fall in love for fear the other person will not value our sacrifice and we end up hurt.
Turns out I have some really great friends who have directly approached me to pull my card. Martha is someone who did just that. She informed me that I have made a promise to continue posting and it did indeed matter to her. I have since checked the numbers of how many people have read my whopping 5 posts that I sent out a year ago. I was shocked... and now I understand that it sort of does matter to check in with your progress. This is something I encourage in all my relationships, work life, and personal goals. It stands to reason that motivation for continuing to do what I feel is my purpose I certainly need to know that it is being passed along and my readers do find any help whatsoever in my ramblings.
Thank you to all of my followers who are sticking with me through my stumbling starts and supporting my self proclaimed attempt at making the world a better place by starting with ourselves.
We all have moments where we think we are alone. The truth is we are surrounded by an army of folks who what nothing more than to see us succeed greatly. So I begin again, with humility and thanks. I will continue this amazing adventure of life by posting weekly at minimum. As I write this it strikes me that the word ALIVE is plural not singular. Hmmm. What a concept...
Enhance those around you by just being the truest form of alive possible. Seek and ye shall find... just remember to keep your eyes open along the way, the journey is worth witnessing. If for no other reason than to measure your progress.
Carla
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